Your gut is your gift

That gut feeling we get, that little voice in our head, it’s one of the biggest gifts we are given in life. So why do more people make excuses for what it is saying rather than listening to it.

I think on a first date if you are totally not into it, don’t waste anymore time. If you are wondering why your “boyfriend” only calls you once a week you know the reason already. If you feel like you are being taken advantage of by someone you give a lot to, you probably are.

We make excuses. We want the fairytale, we want the easy road, we want the pretty picture. But if it’s not right, it’s not right and more often than not we know it.

Stop being so scared to take the hard road. It’s not easy but when you get to the top and look back at all the signs along the way that got you to where you are, you will never regret it. The voice is there for a reason, the guidance is all around you, open your eyes and ears and start acting on it.

L

Bad Dreams

I woke up this morning incredibly upset, even fighting off tears. Damn relationship nightmares, why do you do this to me, and what do you mean? I have a headache so I am sitting here at work and decided the only way to make this all go away is to put it all out there.

So the man travels for work a lot, and I don’t mean within our province or to another city for a few days, I mean TRAVEL! As in to Saudi Arabia, 10 time zones away, where woman aren’t allowed to travel with men they aren’t married to, and he is usually gone for 30 days at a time. It seems to have worked for us so far, lately it has been getting harder.

Back to my dream. I am at my apartment, the man is over with his ex girlfriend (much uglier and fatter than she is in real life, though I am not sure if that made it better or worse) and I am making them dinner because they just got back from a trip to Saudi Arabia together. As I am making dinner I realize I am not okay with the fact they travelled together (supposedly I was when they left), and how did they go together anyways when he has always told me woman can’t travel there, and I realize he has been lying.

I am mad in my dream, and I say to him, “you were lying about women travelling there” he smirks, I yell, “you had sex with her didn’t you”. He says yes. I fall to the floor in hysterics, crying and screaming. He stays standing and I am screaming at him to get out of my house while thinking “I don’t want to lose him, he means everything to me, what he has done is wrong but I just want him to apologize, I don’t want him to leave me”. Then I say to him, “as soon as you walk out the door you are going to completely forget about me and move on instantly aren’t you?”, again he smirks and I wake up.

I was devastated. Not a fun dream. I looked up the meaning (thanks dreammoods.com):

To dream that your mate is cheating on you highlights your insecurities and your fears of being abandoned. You feel that you are being taken for granted. You are lacking attention in the relationship or that he is being less affectionate.

Spot on dream moods, spot on.

For the first time in my life I feel like I am not the one in control of my relationship. I don’t think he is going to leave me tomorrow, or really anytime, he has it too good 🙂 but I long for his approval. I long for him to tell me how he feels about me and that he loves me and enjoys me, but I can’t get the words out. He shows how he feels, I know I am important to him, but I need more, not a lot, just a little.

It all boils down to me. He is doing what he knows, acting how he was raised. He isn’t being hurtful or spiteful, when I tell him I want something, he does it. I need to communicate, sounds so easy, makes perfect sense, but apparently I have lost that skill while falling in love.

L

How hard Are we looking

We are told our whole lives when we want something go out and get it. If you want something enough and you put in the work you can accomplish anything you desire. Is it the same for love?

Are we supposed to be out there looking and going on dates and constantly on the prowl or are we supposed to sit back and not worry and when we are ready love will come to us? There doesn’t seem to be a right answer.

I know for me, when I wasn’t technically searching (though lets be real my eyes were always open) I found who I want to be with. But I don’t think it’s that simple.

I have 2 ladies in my life, both around the same age, both wanting a relationship and a family and at the end of the day love, taking completely different paths and yet neither has found it yet. The one lady goes on dates, has a great social life, is on every online dating site there is and has even recently hired a matchmaker. The other, the opposite, goes to work, has a smaller social circle, doesn’t put herself out there, doesn’t flirt, maybe in some people’s opinions not really trying at all. But who is doing it right if neither is any closer to finding love?

Love can’t find you in your bedroom in the book you’re reading but I also don’t think guys like to see a girl that is so desperate to find a guy. There needs to be some sort of balance. Maybe once we find the balance and are happy with us that is when love finds us.

L

Then don’t ask

The other day I was sitting on the couch with the man, flicking through things on my iPad and somehow landed on the Cosmopolitan website. Oh wonderful, I thought, there are ideas on how to make your sex life more exciting. And oh boy, look at that, there is a quiz to tell you how exciting it is now! Well I should have just stopped there.

The quiz asked different questions about your previous sexual experiences. I was zero for five. He was five for five. And again, should have just stopped.

And yet, I continued. Why do we do this?

Why did I NEED to ask him who he had done question 1 with and where had he done question 2 and did he like question 3 and so on. In the moment I thought, no harm, he is with me. So wrong. The questions were answered, though I did have to force them out of him, and I instantly started stewing.

But I had no right. He even said, you don’t want to know the answers to these, but I pushed. Stupid girl move.  Why do we ask questions that really don’t matter and then be upset with the answer? Do we really think that before they met us they were innocent little creatures that never did anything sexy with the ex’s. NO. He isn’t 16. He lived and loved before me.

But, now I know, or at least I am more aware. At the end of the day I am a curious girl and this is probably going to happen again as much as I’d rather it not, if we don’t want to hear the honest answer, then don’t ask the freaking question ladies.

L

Crazy Girl

Am I the only one with a friend who everytime she opens her mouth to tell you about her latest escapade in the dating world you just want to shake her? Why is the female population crazy?  We are pushing men away and then crying when they leave. 

B is the definition of crazy girl. Don’t get me wrong, I love the girl, she has the biggest heart and it is entertaining hearing her stories and the way she views dating but she is certifiably relationship C-R-A-Z-Y!

And in honor of the beautiful B, I am going to throw out just a few quick tips of what not to do if you want a natural unforced love.

– do not have your wedding dress, flowers, venue and childrens names picked out after your absolutely amazing best first date ever
– do not, while in a drunken stooper and after two dates, tell all your friends how much he loves you and how he is absolutely perfect while he is within earshot, you will never hear from him again after he gets the sex he came over for
– do be honest with who you are. If you like sitting in your living room, smoking your face off, having a glass of wine and watching Real Housewives, be proud, just don’t expect him to join you for your Thursday night fun
– try, as best you can, to call him by the right name
– do not think he is the best listener in the whole wide world, because he stayed quiet while you talked for 2 hours about how your ex screwed you over but you are so “over it” and so ready for your Prince Charming. You aren’t ready and he isn’t a good listener, he is bored as hell and thinking he would rather be watching the hockey game but that he deserves a bj, and will get one, for sitting there that long

Stop trying so hard ladies, love comes. Just need to be patient, we all know it is worth it.

L